Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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