my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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