So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
