I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i can't believe i had my finger in that
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
