p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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