Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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