Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
