Just fell off a train. Bad.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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