i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
