is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
