Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
