peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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