Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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