these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize