OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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