i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How does it feel to date your dad?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
