yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
