What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
