Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
