I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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