jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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