I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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