I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
