If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
