I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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