I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
