it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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