I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
