I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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