Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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