It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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