I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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