My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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