By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
