There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
