Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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