White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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