matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
