My sheets look like a crime scene.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I AM VODKA MAN
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
