i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
