fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
