my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
