I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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