If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
