that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
