I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
