break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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