It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
