I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
