after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
