He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize