I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
