Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Who died my cat blue again?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
