You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
