By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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