I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
