Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
