I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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