It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
