you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
