i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
