Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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