I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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