talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
