How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I FOUND THE LEGS
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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