Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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