Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You've changed since you got that strap on
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
