did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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