I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
