There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
