Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
