his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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