I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
