Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
