When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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