So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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