he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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