bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
