Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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