We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
