you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
