I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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