i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
