i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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