I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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