I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Alive.
So much puke
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
