i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
