Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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