I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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