I love black thongs
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
