i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
