Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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