So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
