I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
