I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
