She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
